Sunday, February 22, 2009

Abuse and Anguish

Abuse lives everywhere and anguish speaks all languages.. That is probably part of the "problem".Psychologists (for example) speak psychologize. Judges and lawyers speak legalese etc. When they (these groups, for example) cannot speak the language of anguish- or even comprehend it, women and children are murdered or experience soul murder. If they live, they are imprisoned for life in the deathcamp of anguish.

Then there is testosteronese and the language of entitlement. Since many mothers speak only motherese, and no-one else but a mother is liable to be able to comprehend, - there is no help if you are a battered mother and/or your children are raped. As well as speaking motherese and the language of anguish- beaten mothers and their children must understand legalese,testosteronese and psychologizing.Of course, only if you want to protect yourself and your children.

The language barrier was brought home to me with great clarity,last week. I was visiting the office of a group whose raison d'etre is to support women. I had- distanced myself, as there was no place for a person who- doesn't want to knit or do exercises or learn about self esteem.At the same time- something is better than nothing - - - -and there are a couple of bright lights there - -

One worker, a woman whom I admire, said to me : "You couldn't act more until you recovered your self esteem-right?" Ah- she (and most if not all social workers etc. can talk the language they were taught-psychologize) but not the language of anguish.


Right there is a major reason I tend to operate- alone. Even some people working IN the sorry field of domestic terrorism, do not speak anguish.They experience language interference from psychologese.

It would take too long to explain to her that this self esteem - stuff- is way way off- for many. Maybe not for all- I don't know. I know that when "people" suggested I needed therapy-for which one pays- I just looked at them. Therapy for the victim does NOTHING to stop the murderous child rapist who wants to shut you up ! Next, I suppose, will be mandatory therapy for every rape victim who lives through her attack, and identifies her attacker.I used to think all these groups were insane. Totally mad. I mean -psychologists and lawyers etc.

Now, I realize- they can't speak or even understand the language. Some ARE insane. Criminally insane.

It is not lack of self esteem that shuts up a lot of women. It is the recognition that these groups ,well meaning or not- cannot speak the language of anguish. Criminal attacks should be reported to the police (we are supposed to) and then the attackers- should be tried in court.
Until that happens, domestic terrorism will continue.

Thank goodness I know a LOT of mothers who speak my language. Anguish. We do not suffer from a lack of self esteem-we suffer from a lack of criminal behavior not being treated as such.
If we live through our attacks- we spend our lives dodging bullets. Dodging is not a lack of self esteem- on the contrary- it is very healthy to not want to be further abused or have your children "live" a life of abuse.

Heck- what did I expect ! That others were as decent as my parents ? Yes- in that sense I was naive. That the laws applied to me- ? I thought so. I thought wrong. After all- women were not considered persons under the law- and allowed to vote- until my mother was 45 years old. The year I was born. 1941. Not long enough and not enough women and child murders to exige social evolution.

Abuse lives everywhere and anguish speaks all languages.

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