Monday, May 25, 2009

Weird, weirder and weirdest- revisited

By weird- I refer to my encounters of the most insane kind- with social workers.

The first judge, when it dawned upon him that I was a battered wife- after reports by a doctor,a psychiatrist,a policeman etc- oh- and ONE sane social worker that my abuser called as a witness-; ordered another "expert" evaluation. (all that the law allowed him to do- at the time)

I cannot remember which visit it was - second ?- but- it was the same ditsy social worker who was talking at me, before. I could never figure out how someone so incredibly bizarre and rude- could be allowed to work with people-but- here goes , on this memory- which I think I have just figured out after 22 years.

She rips into the house I bought(mortgaged) so my abused children and I could be in a village- hoping that if a neighbour heard me scream- the police might be called.Couldn't rely on my phone- he would cut the lines.I mean with a knife- before holding it to my throat.

She grabs a chair that I had just paid to have re-upholstered- (eat less for a couple of months)
I should perhaps explain that my homes were always very middle class- upper, if you count things like lots of books etc. She wrenches the chair around as if it were a piece of- garbage.This is an antique- from my parents' home. She seemed very angry- like my ex's state of mind before he beat me-or an animal-or hurt the children -or attacked another man.

The girls see this- do they think all people except mom behave like this ? Are they learning to be abusive ?

Whatever she asked me, I don't remember- she probably didn't-she never had- only told me her view of - our lives.Her view always sounded exactly like our abuser. But what I remember, as it was even more bizarre -was , that, I had sat on the couch- she had taken the antique chair. She came and sat very close to me and stuck her face in mine. I moved away. She followed. I finally got up and walked around. I was thinking that she was lesbian- but twisted, and was going to ask me for sex and she would write a good "report".

How would YOU interpret that behavior ?

Oh- as she slammed my antique chair around- she whammed herself into it- saying-"I've read all the reports". So- for a while- (not long) , I thought- thank god- we have a chance here- she has seen the doctor and police and psychiatrist's reports.

NO. No chance for a life- for any of us. At the end- she says-" I am going to recommend custody to Mr. Abuser." My jaw dropped open. I thought that only happened in books or movies- the jaw drop thing. I said- voice quavering- "You will give custody to a man who BEAT me ?????"

She replies- "Oh- you were a battered wife? Well- I've made a mistake- but I can't do anything now. I would lose credibility in the courts."

Shows you how important the lives of mothers and children are - to - are you ready for this- the Youth Protection (name for social services where I was.)


So, after 22 years of puzzling over one aspect of her behavior (the- stick your face in mine bit), I think I comprehend.Now.

As, everything she said to me and wrote down, was exactly straight out of our abuser's foul imagination; he must have said I was an alcoholic- so that would explain her sticking her face in mine.(to smell my breath !-)

I can't remember details of what he/she said and wrote- it was all weird- but that is something ALL abusers seem to say about the women they have abused- alcoholic or drug abusers.( both of which he did- abused alcohol and drugs)

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