The flashbacks are coming fast and furious. Don't know why. Here's the latest one. It has been intruding frequently lately. Maybe if I write it, it will subside.
Driving the older daughter back from - school ? Can't remember. Come over the hill where a long ago owner drove a lane through an even older cemetary.Stop. That slimy driver of a truck that sells bread and doughnuts, is parked so I cannot drive into my own yard. Yes, it was my place. Inherited. All 126 acres and private lake of it. I wait, truck running. Trying to make some sense of what I am seeing. Part of me wants to drive away and never return. Disappear. Can't. Youngest daughter is there. Her father was "babysitting" her while I worked. Whatever is going on, I know it has to be -sick and criminal. Can't leave youngest . So I wait. Youngest daughter suddenly appears from out of the truck and runs, limping slightly, into the house. She is holding something in her hands. Runs as though in pain.
A short while later, the bread truck moves ahead a bit. I drive in and past. Out of truck. Older daughter and I whip into house and upstairs to my daughters' bedroom. (They are- 4 and 6 ?) or younger. Can't recall.
Youngest is there- sitting on floor. Older sits beside her. I look cautiously out the window. Two guys could kill us all and say crazy mother ran away with girls. The two are standing just behind the truck. Probably waiting to see if the youngest will "talk". No worry- she has already said to me at age - 3 ? "I don't want you to die, Mommy." Eventually the bread truck leaves. I can't remember the rest of the day or night. The terror tends to do that- mess up memory.
The dress she had on, was new. I had scrimped and saved and bought it. She never wore it again. Years later, I had hung it on "their" door- each place I lived, while fleeing him. Then one day- I looked at it -and this memory came back. Down came the dress. She had been running "funny" because one or more likely, both child abusers had hurt her genital/anal area. She had been carrying her underpants.
If social services had listened to me, to the police, to the doctor etc., they could have helped us. Maybe. They are called protection- (of youth) What a sick joke THAT is. If they had listened and acted, they would have broken that pedo ring sooner. There was the bread man- (x called him Jimmy), and the photographer for children- he travelled around with his backdrops etc.- and the guy who lived - a few kilometres away- he liked little boys. The police did get the doctor (not ours)- years later. Blondin- he went to prison.(the x switched to Blondin, AFTER he got custody. Girls told me, on a rare visit. I told social services.Nothing) Actually, the then head of the social services team told me that it was often better.
The federal government is making noises about unreported crime. Well- shut down the social services. They are responsible for a lot. I hear it constantly. The last thing anyone wants to do,if you have children, is report needing help for food or a place to stay- or sexual abuse etc. They will recommend the abusers get custody. And- get this- if you don't report, you lose custody because you didn't report.(it is the law) If you do report, you will not be believed, treated like a criminal, and worst, your children will be sent to their abuser.
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1 week ago