Chilling 1

It is a wondrous thing. My life. One long scratching for survival or, just to be left alone in peace. Lay off the incessant demands.Even as a tiny toddler still in a crib, I had a mind of my own. So when I was fed boiled prunes ,little brown slugs floating in their nasty-looking brown juice, I got up- wobbled to the window and without too much stretching, tipped them out the window !

So at age six, when a man dressed in what I told the police ,were "soldier clothes", tried to lure me onto the side running board of his car- to see "something interesting"- I pretended to step on the board. Caught a glimpse of something that resembled the gross whitish bloated grubs that ate the vegetable garden plants. Milliseconds before he roared off- gunning the engine and disappeared around the corner.Minutes before, as I had crossed a street, he rolled up beside me and called through the open window- "Take down your pants". True to form, I had yelled NO and thought- boy- how weird is THAT-.

The subtle and the not at all subtle harassment continued and escalated as I matured.To the point where I could not understand why any girl/woman would WANT a date on Saturday night, much less any other night. By 19 I had pretty much given up on dating. It was in no way a pleasure to be fighting off tentacle hands guys groping and/or being called names I had never heard- . Lesbian. Was that someone who wouldn't just F##k a guy because HE wanted to ??? Some did not behave like cavemen- but, I was keen on my job and interested in almost -everything- and had girl after girl arriving at my apartment, with 1-3 babies and toddlers, asking to stay the night. I had irate husbands who pounded on my door the next day or night demanding to see their wives. These girls, with whom I had been to college, often had visible bruises. I just was- the dumb blonde- "Who ? oh- haven't seen her since college. You are her husband ? Oh -congratulations ! You are so lucky. " etc. They would slink off growling.At 20 I bought a piece of land. 20- 26 I don't remember much- I was working, content, had a job, car apartment, cat etc. To please my aging parents, who were increasingly worried because I was not married (they came from a world that required a man to "take care of" a wife and children". Decent people.): I accepted yet another marriage proposal from someone who seemed stable- my parents "accepted" him. And that was the beginning of the end -