Monday 23 January 2012


Whom do I blame ? Who is ultimately responsible for this annihilation?

First of course, the abuser. The brute. The criminal. He who raped my children. Who brutalized my babies and animals. Who tried to kill me. Who got custody.

And as a  malevolent shadow behind him, my first husband. The non-person. The Hollow Man.

The HM, who, when I awoke weeping the night my father died at my knees on the floor, turned and so roughly said " Whaddaya crying for it's not sad when an old man dies." I was pregnant with HM's child. My first born.  This HM who was so supportive of  and friends with the child rapist who had also brutalized the HM's child. HM who came to court and lied. He always lied so well. About everything. HM who found the lawyer for the criminal. And on and on. It would take many books to describe it all. Did I ever tell anyone ? No. To what end ?

Equally, maybe mostly,  I blame the social services culture and rules. The police were always excellent with me. They knew him. But they and others  are required by law to report any abuses like wife beating and child sexual abuse, to the social services.All cries for help lead, by law, to the social services. A very few know what they are doing. A huge number have no idea what they are doing. (undoubtedly think they know) , and follow the legends, myths and fairy tales they have learned. Some who may be involved in child sex abuse/porn rings. After all, there is a market and these people have easy and mandated access to hapless victims. There is money to be made with human agony.

Finally,  I blame the divorce laws which would be laughable if they were not so ruinous to already brutalized and victimized mothers and children.

                                            J' accuse