Friday 29 October 2010

Quebecer can sue church for abuse |

Quebecer can sue church for abuse

At least this. The prescription in Quebec, as I understand it, is for 2 or 3 years after recollection and realization of the criminal acts. I imagine it was because it was the Church- that the Quebec court did not allow the case to continue.

Wednesday 20 October 2010

Rights for Mothers | Resources and Support for Noncustodial and Custodially-Challenged Mothers

Rights for Mothers Resources and Support for Noncustodial and Custodially-Challenged Mothers

Read it and weep. But first, BELIEVE. Like the Russell Williams case- no-one suspected the guy to be so twisted, so ill. Imagine if his wife had suspected and had seen something. She would have been labeled dysfunctional, lying and applying tactics of alienation. Read carefully. This mother lost custody in an ex parte motion.(she was not present and didn't know) She found out when her daughter was taken. Six years on down that sorry road, the mother gets visitation. Which is totally undermined and blockaded by the ex. Sounds/reads SO familiar. Report an abuse=lose custody.

Tuesday 19 October 2010

Williams Unseen

The entire world is watching the Williams trial. All the usual talking heads and absolutely everyone is -sharing their opinion. So, time for mine. I think his very nice pension should go to the assault and murder victims/families. I feel badly for his wife.

What strikes me the most in all of this- is the absolute fact that it is NOT possible to foresee, predict or even notice when someone is this twisted. It is a very good thing that this fact is being pointed out and discussed - at least by the tv media in Canada.

BECAUSE : when a mother (for example) reports the abuses she and/or her children are experiencing, there is a marked tendency to disbelieve her and disbelieve the children. Disbelief at least in part because the twistedness is not apparent. So we have so many already wounded children being given in custody to their abuser. The victim mother then gets to pay child support and sometimes more, to an abuser.

I for one, am exceptionally grateful to the prosecutors in this case, for supplying so many lurid details to the court. This may spur the "law" to place a ruling of dangerous offender. This psycho should never be free. I am also grateful for the supplying of details as it MAY serve to enlighten some systems- like social services systems., Some may begin to realize that  one cannot play nice with a father/husband who is so twisted. Some MAY begin to realize that they should LISTEN to mothers who report abuse. Some may even realize or begin to think about the insanity of alienation theories being automatically applied whenever a child or mother speaks of abuse. Some thinking people may begin to question the motives behind the people who so loudly screech about false allegations. The concept of automatic shared parenting is equally ludicrous. Is it logical to have shared parenting when none or little existed before ? How about his child/ren , if there had been some, visiting dear old daddy Williams ?

Only thinking people will question. Only people with enough emotional intelligence to have some compassion and  empathy will think about all that. Only those with a modicum of integrity will even begin to question.

It is heartrending that the victims' families were exposed to these details. I imagine they were warned. I hope so.

Monday 18 October 2010

Intergenerational Impact of Ongoing Molestation…McNeill/Vargas case « Let'sGetHonestBlog

Intergenerational Impact of Ongoing Molestation…McNeill/Vargas case « Let'sGetHonestBlog

Ohhh- this is GOOD ! The ex who abused my son and 2 girls, once told me he was afraid the son would grow up to kill him. That's the ex who got custody. Guess what he did to children after.

Friday 15 October 2010

October 17, 1986/ October 17, 2010.

                                         The date my soul died with a silent scream.

24 years ago today, my soul was wrenched from my being and shattered.

For seven years I had phoned and spoken to police, doctors, ministers, priests - anyone who could help me stop him from beating me and abusing all my children. Could stop him from sodomizing my babies. Stop him from abusing animals.Stop him. Help us. Nothing.

So I find a job and seek divorce. I have temporary custody. I move us to a safer place. By mortgaging the properties I have. There are 4. One for each child and one for me. For them to have a heritage to sell or live in.

His psychologist has recommended custody to the abusive brute. Again. The first judge threw it out and requested another "expertise". The police, doctor, psychiatrist, a social worker, neighbours, minister- a veritable parade of people have come to the court to speak of our experiences at the hands of this abuser. One psychologist vs. how many ?

Another social worker decides I am lying , or am psychotic or my son has been abusing - or- I don't know to this day exactly why she recommended custody to a brutal abuser. The report she gave me was all whatever the abuser told her. There was nothing correct in it. Not even the distance between homes. It would have been laughable if it hadn't been a death sentence for our souls.

October 17, 1986. The five year old wanted to dress up for a "kind of party at school". Unusual- she runs back to give me yet another kiss before getting on the bus. The seven year old wouldn't go to bed the night before. She insisted on following me around as I worked on my teaching papers. She wouldn't go to school in the morning, claiming a queasy stomach.

October 17, 1986, 12:05 p.m. The door knocker is banging wildly. Importantly. Too noisily. I look through the security peephole. I see a policeman whom I know. I know them all, after years of calling and reporting.  Undo all the locks. A strange young man in "workie" clothes pushes the door in and jams his workboot in the space as I try to shut the door-. What is THIS ??? He says; " I am here to take xxxxxxx to her father Madame." (we speak in French) Open the door. The policeman looks like he will faint or vomit.

I tell this strangely intense young man to remove his foot. In my best teacher talking to an out-of control child voice. He says : "What are you going to do ?"  I tell him, I will ask my child to go up to my room and turn on the tv there. Guess he saw something in my eyes. He removes his foot. Shut door. My beloved always -  oh - so - pale child goes upstairs like a ghost.

I phone a neighbour friend. I can hardly dial. My entire body is shaking.  Friend comes. I tell her- he says he is to bring xxxxxxx to her father but there are no papers or judgement. Nothing. She verbally blasts the young man- in English. Well- he would understand the tone.

Finally he tells me to go upstairs and tell the child she is to go and live with her father. (From her behaviour, she already knew- but I didn't) I said. No. I will NOT tell a child she has to go and live with her abuser. It is insanity. You tell her. Before you do, write down what you are doing here and why. Sign and date it. He did.  I had no paper or warning - nothing - I had phoned my lawyer. Of course- it was noon and the offices were closed.

And then my soul walked out the door and that was it.

This paper is marching with a friend, in Rimouski. Symbolic. To carry our silent screams to the Marche Mondiale des Femmes. On October 17, 2010.

Tuesday 12 October 2010

Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med -- Household, Family, and Child Risk Factors After an Investigation for Suspected Child Maltreatment: A Missed Opportunity for Prevention, October 2010, Campbell et al. 164 (10): 943

Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med -- Household, Family, and Child Risk Factors After an Investigation for Suspected Child Maltreatment: A Missed Opportunity for Prevention, October 2010, Campbell et al. 164 (10): 943

It is hardly believable !!!!!!!!!!!! A Dr. Abraham B. Bergman ,who works out of the Harborview Medical Center in Seattle states in an article (see Rights for Mothers: Child Abuse Investigations . . .), that child abuse, because it is a crime, should be investigated by the police , and child services should not be engaged in law enforcement. There are thousands upon thousands of ordinary but logical, thinking people who will totally agree. They have been saying it for decades ! Bravo to Dr.Bergman. Bravo to Nicholas Bakalar who wrote the article in the New York Times. Bravo to Rights for Mothers foir finding and posting this.

Sunday 10 October 2010

Reported Crimes

The flashbacks are coming fast and furious. Don't know why. Here's the latest one. It has been intruding frequently lately. Maybe if I write it, it will subside.

Driving the older daughter back from - school ? Can't remember. Come over the hill where a long ago owner drove a lane through an even older cemetary.Stop. That slimy driver of a truck that sells bread and doughnuts, is parked so I cannot drive into my own yard. Yes, it was my place. Inherited. All 126 acres and private lake of it. I wait, truck running. Trying to make some sense of what I am seeing. Part of me wants to drive away and never return. Disappear. Can't. Youngest daughter is there. Her father was "babysitting" her while I worked. Whatever is going on, I know it has to be -sick and criminal. Can't leave youngest . So I wait. Youngest daughter suddenly appears from out of the truck and runs, limping slightly, into the house. She is holding something in her hands. Runs as though in pain.

A short while later, the bread truck moves ahead a bit. I drive in and past. Out of truck. Older daughter and I whip into house and upstairs to my daughters' bedroom. (They are- 4 and 6 ?) or younger. Can't recall.

Youngest is there- sitting on floor. Older sits beside her. I look cautiously out the window. Two guys could kill us all and say crazy mother ran away with girls. The two are standing just behind the truck. Probably waiting to see if the youngest will "talk". No worry- she has already said to me at age - 3 ? "I don't want you to die, Mommy." Eventually the bread truck leaves. I can't remember the rest of the day or night. The terror tends to do that- mess up memory.

The dress she had on, was new. I had scrimped and saved and bought it. She never wore it again. Years later, I had hung it on "their" door- each place I lived, while fleeing him. Then one day- I looked at it -and this memory came back. Down came the dress. She had been running "funny" because one or more likely, both child abusers had hurt her genital/anal area. She had been carrying her underpants.

If social services had listened to me, to the police, to the doctor etc., they could have helped us. Maybe. They are called protection- (of youth) What a sick joke THAT is. If they had listened and acted, they would have broken that pedo ring sooner. There was the bread man- (x called him Jimmy), and the photographer for children- he travelled around with his backdrops etc.- and the guy who lived - a few kilometres away- he liked little boys. The police did get the doctor (not ours)- years later. Blondin- he went to prison.(the x switched to Blondin, AFTER he got custody. Girls told me, on a rare visit. I told social services.Nothing) Actually, the then head of the social services team told me that it was often better.

The federal government is making noises about unreported crime. Well- shut down the social services. They are responsible for a lot. I hear it constantly. The last thing anyone wants to do,if you have children, is report needing help for food or a place to stay- or sexual abuse etc. They will recommend the abusers get custody. And- get this- if you don't report, you lose custody because you didn't report.(it is the law) If you do report, you will not be believed, treated like a criminal, and worst, your children will be sent to their abuser.