Triggers/rant

Some are known and can be foreseen . Many cannot. One must be on constant alert to check and doublecheck all reactions so as to ensure there is not an over-reaction to some word or sentence or facial expression.It is exhausting.


This one hit out of the blue. The Supreme Court decision on "low risk" HIV infection and the need to inform a partner did it. More correctly, the discussions after in a newspaper, did me in. I cannot even remember the content of the article or comments, except for the one word that set off the avalanche of desperate , intensely sad reactions. Clamydia. A sexually transmitted disease.



That was what my x beating battering child abusing animal abusing thieving piece of criminality gave me. And gave to some children he had - contact with. All of that suffering un necessary. Lives mangled and destroyed thanks to a crown prosecutor who refused to lay charges when the police asked. Thanks to the youth destruction group who helped the child rapist.wife beater/attempted murder thing/bestiality practitioner/thief criminal.


He had a vasectomy before I managed to sue for divorce (since there was no help anywhere). Said to me it was because he loved me. He must have thought I was as stupid as all the insane social workers  and psychologists. It was so he would not impregnate his victims. At least one victim took, without needing to- birth control pills for years and years. That alone is not good for the health.


And still some (men) ask me - did I never get a "chum" after divorce. Idiots. What do they think DV is ? The x beat up men too. Democratic abuser. Abuse anything our society lets him hurt. That's a LOT.That's anything and anyone. The Supreme Court is completely UNABLE to judge in matters of human health and welfare. Any law system is. Laws were developed to protect property. As such, they cannot and should not wander blindly into the realms of health and welfare of living entities.

Damn them all to hell.

Torture

For reasons that I haven't yet figured out, the flashbacks are hitting hard and heavy.
The really bad ones. For example; Easter, 1981. The child rapist's mother comes to visit. I take her (and the 7 month old baby to- - was it an auction?- Maybe just to see her old haunts. The 2.5 year old stayed home. Chrapist says he'll stay as she is due for a nap. Not far along in the little drive- the mother suddenly emphatically wants to go back. She was almost in a panic. Back we go- and she rushes out of the car and into the house. And upstairs. Chrapist comes rushing out of the house, all red in face. At the bottom of the stairs, the mother calls to me in a wavery voice-" XXXXXXXXXXXX- there's something wrong with xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.She won't move, she won't talk it's like she can't see me." I go up. I know now- but not then, that the tiny child was catatonic. There were chocolates on the bed, and she was dressed in an awful(to my eyes) pink quilted dressing gown. Never seen before nor after. This is the criminal who got custody. I went for divorce to save myself and my children. ALL my children. Wasn't believed or listened to. But then- neither were the police nor the doctor nor the psychiatrist etc. Insane.

Blazing Cat Fur: Our Elites at Work: Pedophilia a sexual orientation...just like heterosexuality

Blazing Cat Fur: Our Elites at Work: Pedophilia a sexual orientation...just like heterosexuality


Glad to see others share my opinion of this hairball. (Hubert) He has been teaching for decades at a Montreal University. Decades of children have been destroyed by his "teachings/ideas" It goes like this : report child sexual abuse - especially if it is intrafamilial- and your abuser will just find a lawyer, social worker, mediator, doctor, psychologist "expert" and bingo- lose the the children. You are - crazy or a druggie or an alcoholic or a "loose woman"- any one or combination of the usual crap.

Haven't blogged in long time. Gets too much -and- there are some truly excellent ones out there-

California Family Courts Helping Pedophiles, Batterers Get Child Custody - Page 1 - News - San Francisco - SF Weekly#disqus_thread#disqus_thread

California Family Courts Helping Pedophiles, Batterers Get Child Custody - Page 1 - News - San Francisco - SF Weekly#disqus_thread#disqus_thread

A most important article . Of note, are many of the comments that flooded in, touting a psychological THEORY and ignoring the deaths and trauma ridden lives of (for example) the children who survived.While some in the reading public may prefer to follow ideas and theories; there are, without question many if not most, who would prefer to see children being protected and not given to criminals on the strength of words rather than facts.Children who, if not murdered, survive and fight trauma reactions for the rest of their lives.

American Family Recieves Asylum in Europe: Holly Collins Son Returns Home to Marblehead Massachusetts

American Family Recieves Asylum in Europe: Holly Collins Son Returns Home to Marblehead Massachusetts

This is of such crucial importance for so many thousands of mothers and children across North America. Most are unable to speak. They are dead or gagged or just trying to live from day to day. Often, just putting one foot in front of the other, drains all energy from survivors of this particular hell.

The hell of ,as children, being wrenched-plucked from a peaceful, safe loving environment in order to live (not the right word) with your abuser, your rapist.The hell of being that mother who not only must somehow live with the the indescribable agony of never seeing your children (or rarely)and the unbearable knowledge that they are being profoundly wounded and you can do nothing to help them. Nothing , but pay money to the abuser. At the same time, a mother like this must protect herself from the continued and often escalated attacks by the criminal who tried to kill her, who beat and battered her and who so grotesquely abused her children and animals.

Jennifer speaks for all those thousands of children across North America and in other countries.
Who will listen, and learn ?

Rights for Mothers | Resources and Support for Noncustodial and Custodially-Challenged Mothers

Rights for Mothers | Resources and Support for Noncustodial and Custodially-Challenged Mothers


This early report on the eighth Battered Mothers Custody Conference deserve a place of honour here !

Girl shot 8 times trying to protect brother: Lawyer | Canada | News | Toronto Sun

Girl shot 8 times trying to protect brother: Lawyer | Canada | News | Toronto Sun


Hopefully, that judge's name will appear somewhere - the one who granted custody to a criminal. Was it a Montreal or a Texas judge ???????????? Apparently each adult filed- in their respective jurisdictions. It was apparently a Montreal judge who granted temporary custody to the mother on Oct. 26. So, it would appear that MAYBE it was a Texas judge who "messed up" bigtime-. Accessory to murder and attempted murder. However, Quebec province and Canada in general, have their bountiful share of children being sent to live with criminals.Some children and mothers are murdered outright- others experience slow soul-murder. Some survive repeated suicide attempts- some don't-. And so the carnage goes.

CAS pressed defendant to relinquish custody of daughters, murder trial told - The Globe and Mail

CAS pressed defendant to relinquish custody of daughters, murder trial told - The Globe and Mail

This case is unutterably sad. I believe the tragedy was a long time in the making. The girl child Elaine was apparently sexually abused as a child, I think it entirely possible that the husband was abusive. There was probably a post partum hormonal mess up - social services were involved-they frequently seem to be unable to recognize- any possible solutions to any perceived problem and their perception often appears to reflect some theory in some outdated textbook.

Of course Elaine is responsible for the murders, but I think that much of society bears responsibility also. A total tragedy.

Support for the Family Law Amendment (Family Violence) Bill 2010 Petition

Support for the Family Law Amendment (Family Violence) Bill 2010 Petition

If Australia succeeds in evolving and securing human rights for children, maybe North America will follow- one can always hope- and -sign the petition !!!!!!!!!!!

Courtney Macavinta: Ending Domestic Violence Is About Jobs, Homes and Protecting Kids, Too

Courtney Macavinta: Ending Domestic Violence Is About Jobs, Homes and Protecting Kids, Too

Well- a reasonable piece in a Huffington Post blog. This blogger (CNW) was thoroughly disgusted with the appearance of a Warshak and his fawning minions, in a Huff piece a few days ago.Incredibly- or perhaps, predictably, NO information that seriously contradicted this idea(of Warshak et al) was accepted. What was left was the swooning and nauseating comments of adulation.I toyed with the idea of re-writing the exact piece, but have the text selling deodorant instead of some dangerous idea. Also, the fawning comments would have served as a toxic base for a deodorant marketer's product. Ultimately, my energy and that of thousands and thousands of battered mothers and their often equally or more wounded children, is not served by paying attention to the pushers of a weapon of destruction.Or deodorant.

Australian Shared Parenting Law Debate: Zahra, the Libs and the family law changes: A Tale That Should Never Have Happened

Australian Shared Parenting Law Debate: Zahra, the Libs and the family law changes: A Tale That Should Never Have Happened

Canada and other countries need to follow Australia's lead on this. Canada has its share of murdered children, suicides, drug problems, spreading violence and the walking dead adult children who muddle their way through life like a bouncing ball being thwacked by every racket wielded by every unthinking person, law and system.Our "modern" version of child sacrifice.Destruction by the high priests and the wannabe high priests.(one example of a wannabe -alienation theory proponents)

I wonder if there are ANY high priest politicians who give a damn about our country's children.None stand out-

Rights for Mothers | Resources and Support for Noncustodial and Custodially-Challenged Mothers

Rights for Mothers | Resources and Support for Noncustodial and Custodially-Challenged Mothers


Get a whiff of these Pedocaust Deniers- Warshak and his followers

Sisyphe.org - Une théorie inventée utile au lobby des pères

Sisyphe.org - Une théorie inventée utile au lobby des pères


Super important- Quebecoises- ATTENTION !!!!!!!!!!!!!

B.C.’s proposed guardianship concept raises red flags

B.C.’s proposed guardianship concept raises red flags

Important to read, know about and consider - I wonder what Pamela Cross thinks of this-and anyone else- "in the know"

Momma, will I ever be able to pee again?

The 9 year old asked in a trembling terrified voice. I am standing beside her in one of those miniscule hospital emergency room examining stations. Two weeks ago her father, who got custody, actually brought her for a visit. (he never followed court orders) Her sister didn't come. She had marched straight up to the bathroom - actually - limped up- one step, one foot. Then the other foot, hesitatingly beside it. She looked to be in pain. She never spoke. I held back from going up, to see if the wife beater,child sexual assaulter and bestiality practitioner was outside still. He was. Parked. So, we cannot speak. He had bought one of those listening devices. I don't know if it was effective for listening, but the girls certainly thought so.

By the time I go upstairs, the little one- she was small for her age - was in the bathtub- and scalding hot water was in the tub. Horrified, I put on the cold water. She spoke- "No it has to be hot." She turns it off when it is only about two inches deep. I don't understand - but I know it is profound. Her eyes tell me that. Her entire being speaks of trauma. I still don't get it-. I pick up her clothes- dirty as usual. The underpants are coated, in the crotch area with a dried viscous white substance. I think- now he has given her an infection. I want to take her to the hospital. I can't. I have no money. None. I have no gas. I dare not phone the doctor. The perpetrator is still outside. He has attacked men - not just me and not just children. If I phone and he can hear me with that blasted device-the doctor is at even more risk.

I cannot remember the rest of the day.I only know that 2 weeks later I saw her again on a Sunday, and I had some money for gas to go to the hospital. The underpants are in a Ziploc bag.

The doctor doesn't SEE what is in front of him. Or doesn't want to. Emergency room doctors on weekends are frequently beginners. I don't suppose doctors are taught anything about female anatomy from babyhood on. Does he think it normal what I see clearly ? Does he ask ? No. Another big nothing.My child has been raped and no-one sees, hears or wants to know. If I speak too much, my chances of being killed increase- and it looks as though the ONLY thing I can do for my children- is not be killed by him. That would prove the hopelessness of living to them- for sure.

The doctor DID write a bit- about redness he saw - but nothing of the tearing- which I saw. But then- 21 years later-if an adult is raped- there is no operating place, with rape kits etc. -available.(in my geographic region) Society teaches us well- women and children are - nothing.You can do anything you want to them, and nothing will happen. And if you try to tell ? - You are criminalized- for "wanting to tell lies about the nice man." All the while- our society makes nice noises about combatting child sexual assaults.

The underpants finally went to the social services. The answer came back: "there is nothing we can do."

I never thought they would or could- but- followed the law anyway.But then- apart from the perpetrator, the social services were a major obstacle for protecting my children. Goes like this : follow the law, report child sexual aggressions, go for divorce to protect them and self-be blamed for lying by social services, lose custody to child rapist. Some wonder why more sex crimes are not reported -well- really- how inane can you get.

I love to watch Dexter. Of course. I wish he were real.

Every day I want to wrap my arms around my children and tell them I will protect them from a criminal. But that would be lying to them. And now they are confused adults- out there somewhere.I guess.

Crime Victims Share All at Town Hall Meeting - Chevy Chase, MD Patch

Crime Victims Share All at Town Hall Meeting - Chevy Chase, MD Patch

One wonders if Canada will EVER start listening- as these people in the U.S. did. One judge in the Youth Protection system tried, some years ago in Quebec. She was squelched. Her treatment at the hands of some "systems" sent a clear message to victims- tough if you experienced a crime and you are a mother or child. You are only Roadkill. The judge's name was Andree Ruffo. I hope some recognize the name - -

October 17, 1986/ October 17, 2010.

                                         The date my soul died with a silent scream.

24 years ago today, my soul was wrenched from my being and shattered.




For seven years I had phoned and spoken to police, doctors, ministers, priests - anyone who could help me stop him from beating me and abusing all my children. Could stop him from sodomizing my babies. Stop him from abusing animals.Stop him. Help us. Nothing.

So I find a job and seek divorce. I have temporary custody. I move us to a safer place. By mortgaging the properties I have. There are 4. One for each child and one for me. For them to have a heritage to sell or live in.

His psychologist has recommended custody to the abusive brute. Again. The first judge threw it out and requested another "expertise". The police, doctor, psychiatrist, a social worker, neighbours, minister- a veritable parade of people have come to the court to speak of our experiences at the hands of this abuser. One psychologist vs. how many ?

Another social worker decides I am lying , or am psychotic or my son has been abusing - or- I don't know to this day exactly why she recommended custody to a brutal abuser. The report she gave me was all whatever the abuser told her. There was nothing correct in it. Not even the distance between homes. It would have been laughable if it hadn't been a death sentence for our souls.

October 17, 1986. The five year old wanted to dress up for a "kind of party at school". Unusual- she runs back to give me yet another kiss before getting on the bus. The seven year old wouldn't go to bed the night before. She insisted on following me around as I worked on my teaching papers. She wouldn't go to school in the morning, claiming a queasy stomach.


October 17, 1986, 12:05 p.m. The door knocker is banging wildly. Importantly. Too noisily. I look through the security peephole. I see a policeman whom I know. I know them all, after years of calling and reporting.  Undo all the locks. A strange young man in "workie" clothes pushes the door in and jams his workboot in the space as I try to shut the door-. What is THIS ??? He says; " I am here to take xxxxxxx to her father Madame." (we speak in French) Open the door. The policeman looks like he will faint or vomit.

I tell this strangely intense young man to remove his foot. In my best teacher talking to an out-of control child voice. He says : "What are you going to do ?"  I tell him, I will ask my child to go up to my room and turn on the tv there. Guess he saw something in my eyes. He removes his foot. Shut door. My beloved always -  oh - so - pale child goes upstairs like a ghost.

I phone a neighbour friend. I can hardly dial. My entire body is shaking.  Friend comes. I tell her- he says he is to bring xxxxxxx to her father but there are no papers or judgement. Nothing. She verbally blasts the young man- in English. Well- he would understand the tone.

Finally he tells me to go upstairs and tell the child she is to go and live with her father. (From her behaviour, she already knew- but I didn't) I said. No. I will NOT tell a child she has to go and live with her abuser. It is insanity. You tell her. Before you do, write down what you are doing here and why. Sign and date it. He did.  I had no paper or warning - nothing - I had phoned my lawyer. Of course- it was noon and the offices were closed.

And then my soul walked out the door and that was it.

This paper is marching with a friend, in Rimouski. Symbolic. To carry our silent screams to the Marche Mondiale des Femmes. On October 17, 2010.

Reported Crimes

The flashbacks are coming fast and furious. Don't know why. Here's the latest one. It has been intruding frequently lately. Maybe if I write it, it will subside.

Driving the older daughter back from - school ? Can't remember. Come over the hill where a long ago owner drove a lane through an even older cemetary.Stop. That slimy driver of a truck that sells bread and doughnuts, is parked so I cannot drive into my own yard. Yes, it was my place. Inherited. All 126 acres and private lake of it. I wait, truck running. Trying to make some sense of what I am seeing. Part of me wants to drive away and never return. Disappear. Can't. Youngest daughter is there. Her father was "babysitting" her while I worked. Whatever is going on, I know it has to be -sick and criminal. Can't leave youngest . So I wait. Youngest daughter suddenly appears from out of the truck and runs, limping slightly, into the house. She is holding something in her hands. Runs as though in pain.

A short while later, the bread truck moves ahead a bit. I drive in and past. Out of truck. Older daughter and I whip into house and upstairs to my daughters' bedroom. (They are- 4 and 6 ?) or younger. Can't recall.

Youngest is there- sitting on floor. Older sits beside her. I look cautiously out the window. Two guys could kill us all and say crazy mother ran away with girls. The two are standing just behind the truck. Probably waiting to see if the youngest will "talk". No worry- she has already said to me at age - 3 ? "I don't want you to die, Mommy." Eventually the bread truck leaves. I can't remember the rest of the day or night. The terror tends to do that- mess up memory.

The dress she had on, was new. I had scrimped and saved and bought it. She never wore it again. Years later, I had hung it on "their" door- each place I lived, while fleeing him. Then one day- I looked at it -and this memory came back. Down came the dress. She had been running "funny" because one or more likely, both child abusers had hurt her genital/anal area. She had been carrying her underpants.

If social services had listened to me, to the police, to the doctor etc., they could have helped us. Maybe. They are called protection- (of youth) What a sick joke THAT is. If they had listened and acted, they would have broken that pedo ring sooner. There was the bread man- (x called him Jimmy), and the photographer for children- he travelled around with his backdrops etc.- and the guy who lived - a few kilometres away- he liked little boys. The police did get the doctor (not ours)- years later. Blondin- he went to prison.(the x switched to Blondin, AFTER he got custody. Girls told me, on a rare visit. I told social services.Nothing) Actually, the then head of the social services team told me that it was often better.

The federal government is making noises about unreported crime. Well- shut down the social services. They are responsible for a lot. I hear it constantly. The last thing anyone wants to do,if you have children, is report needing help for food or a place to stay- or sexual abuse etc. They will recommend the abusers get custody. And- get this- if you don't report, you lose custody because you didn't report.(it is the law) If you do report, you will not be believed, treated like a criminal, and worst, your children will be sent to their abuser.

WARNING MAY TRIGGER. NOT for the faint of heart

Memories of my baby(ies)

31 years and a couple of months ago, I made my first call to the police. The first of many over the next decades.

My then husband had taken the (6-7 month old) baby away to a house he had. He returned some time later saying that the baby wouldn't stop screaming.The baby was like a limp gray rag doll. There was a two dollar coin sized red raw ring around the anus. The baby expelled a ribbon of white material. I thought my baby would die. No eating no drinking. The baby would snooze a bit if I held the tiny hand. I don't know how long I was on the floor beside the crib. Holding the hand. Days. He wouldn't let me take the infant to the hospital. When you know he can kill you, you tend to "obey". I did go when the red had faded but was still visible. The doctors didn't pick up on what he had done. I didn't really realize it until much later. All I knew was that he had the power of death over myself and the children and I was alone to try to keep us alive.The baby was never the same after. Our worlds had been distorted so as to be unrecognizable. I functioned like a robot.

This man was a wife beater. A bestiality practitioner.And a lot more. But the more- I cannot write at this time.


When there was no help from any service (except the police-who really tried), I went for a divorce. By then he had "got" the other baby and a young child. I lost custody. The man who tried to murder me (police report) ,the child rapist, the killer of animals etc. was believed by social services. Plus he had a lawyer who worked with a psychologist who was the "president" of a fathers' rights group. My psychiatrist's report, the police. the priest, the neighbours- etc etc.- all their witnessing and testimony was- unheard ? Meant nothing.
Ergo- I was used as a breeder for a bunch of child pornographers and rapists.

From then on, my life was about finding enough work to pay the child support which stopped finally in 2005.I knew that as long as I could have $ sent, I was possibly safe, and so were the children. He wouldn't (probably) kill any of us, because he would get no more $.

It was a Globe and Mail text from another country, that spurred me to write this memory. One of thousands.

To try to explain the inexplicable-this happens. Far more frequently than most know. We are -"silenced" by laws-by belief systems by attitudes by prejudice and by -plain old evil. Once divorced- with an abuser- the beat goes goes on. Doors get shot out, mothers get shot, children get killed, animals die etc. ad nauseum.
The victims get told to "talk to the nice man". Or- go to to therapy. How absurd.

Parental Alienation Awareness

Australian Shared Parenting Law Debate


Read this carefully. Research the information. Learn. That is- if you care a whit about what happens to children- Canadian or any child. Check out the symbols used by pedophiles- via the FBI information database. One of them was used by the author of this truly excellent text- and it "morphs" into the alienation heart symbol used at the top of the page. I have seen the symbol used to identify (to each other) pedophiles who go after boys. It was held by a teacher in a place where I worked.

The danger to our children is real and very insidious. It would not even occur to most human beings, to want or have sex with a child- (or an animal). That inability to feel twisted urges tends to lead us to disbelief- which can send us looking for other reasons or explanations. Our very "normality" can bring us to support destructive ideas. So- shared parenting, equal custody -alienation type theories can, on first glance, appear- APPEAR to be reasonable and - "fair".

These ideas are far from being fair. They are used primarily by abusers and their lawyers to obtain money and/or sex from small victims. Even slightly thinking couples, on divorce, will reach acceptable agreements-often without continually returning to court. It is the albeit small percentage of divorcing couples who are often called "high conflict" -where the the potential for great harm is found. No country or province or state or ANY grouping of humans, should ever consider a blanket, across the board ruling or presumption that imposes, all too frequently , a death sentence on children.

This kind of thinking has led to numerous murders of children - across continents. If not physically killed, others "survive" what one author has termed "soul murder".

Read this and share. Please.