WARNING MAY TRIGGER. NOT for the faint of heart

Memories of my baby(ies)

31 years and a couple of months ago, I made my first call to the police. The first of many over the next decades.

My then husband had taken the (6-7 month old) baby away to a house he had. He returned some time later saying that the baby wouldn't stop screaming.The baby was like a limp gray rag doll. There was a two dollar coin sized red raw ring around the anus. The baby expelled a ribbon of white material. I thought my baby would die. No eating no drinking. The baby would snooze a bit if I held the tiny hand. I don't know how long I was on the floor beside the crib. Holding the hand. Days. He wouldn't let me take the infant to the hospital. When you know he can kill you, you tend to "obey". I did go when the red had faded but was still visible. The doctors didn't pick up on what he had done. I didn't really realize it until much later. All I knew was that he had the power of death over myself and the children and I was alone to try to keep us alive.The baby was never the same after. Our worlds had been distorted so as to be unrecognizable. I functioned like a robot.

This man was a wife beater. A bestiality practitioner.And a lot more. But the more- I cannot write at this time.


When there was no help from any service (except the police-who really tried), I went for a divorce. By then he had "got" the other baby and a young child. I lost custody. The man who tried to murder me (police report) ,the child rapist, the killer of animals etc. was believed by social services. Plus he had a lawyer who worked with a psychologist who was the "president" of a fathers' rights group. My psychiatrist's report, the police. the priest, the neighbours- etc etc.- all their witnessing and testimony was- unheard ? Meant nothing.
Ergo- I was used as a breeder for a bunch of child pornographers and rapists.

From then on, my life was about finding enough work to pay the child support which stopped finally in 2005.I knew that as long as I could have $ sent, I was possibly safe, and so were the children. He wouldn't (probably) kill any of us, because he would get no more $.

It was a Globe and Mail text from another country, that spurred me to write this memory. One of thousands.

To try to explain the inexplicable-this happens. Far more frequently than most know. We are -"silenced" by laws-by belief systems by attitudes by prejudice and by -plain old evil. Once divorced- with an abuser- the beat goes goes on. Doors get shot out, mothers get shot, children get killed, animals die etc. ad nauseum.
The victims get told to "talk to the nice man". Or- go to to therapy. How absurd.

Ardrey’s The Territorial Imperative Argues That Humans Are Naturally Territorial: Salem on History

Ardrey’s The Territorial Imperative Argues That Humans Are Naturally Territorial: Salem on History


This book was with me for years- until- it, with almost all the rest of my property was lost- in a divorce from a predator-. Or- lost to the vultures and hyenas that follwed-. It applies- I beleve, to human behavior-and particularly in the arena of divorce. Joint custody and fighting for territorial "rights" is how I view the howling of some over joint custody and shared parenting. The principles of entitlement and ownership- . Cows,pets,wives and children are seen as property - by some males who are- shall we say- less evolved. When I think about "rich" people- example Donald Trump- they are successful hunters- ,so feel a need to - practice what becomes serial monogamy- but they ,being successful hunters, have no need to abuse, beat, kill and maim- their other property- ex-wife and children. Could it be, that the less successful males- not good hunters- have so little in terms of property/territory , that they resort to ownership (control) no matter what the method ?

This is how I view psychological ideas- just- ideas dreamed up by someone- to be: the mind-wanderings of unsuccessful males. And how they do howl- when they are called on their behaviour - - -and beat their chests - -.

Globe and Mail: Domestic violence training incomplete, Lee inquest told

Globe and Mail: Domestic violence training incomplete, Lee inquest told


An excellent report on the findings and progress of the Lee inquest. One person commenting on the article seems to think- "they" are out to get - men. What ??? Huh ?????Does that mean the person thinks murder is okay ?

Crown seeks acquittal in Joshua case

Crown seeks acquittal in Joshua case

Ironically, this was published on the birthdate of a beloved child. Today, comes the welcome news that Sherry has been totally absolved of ALL blame in her baby's death so many years ago.


This is such a horrendous story (along with many others) Not only did Sherry experience the immeasurable agony of losing a child, but also, social services swooped in and took another son and adopted him out. Further, when she bore another child- social services were all over her like flies feasting on fresh manure.

All of this is analogous to a mother losing custody to an abuser. A baby,child, animal and woman abuser. The community- by and large turns against these mothers- believing the - "experts (read psychologists and social services personnel) - who have decided that she lied, or was "into" false allegations etc.

The end result is the same. Almost, or total , destruction of lives. Needlessly.

Terrible to say- but- at least Sherry did not have to deal with the constant abuses of her "ex" - as happens in custody cases- , nor pay hard earned money to her and her children's abuser- whilst never seeing them-

I can just imagime the hard looks- the set faces and clipped tones of the social workers who came to - -"inspect" her- all of them, I suppose, believing she was an abuser.
Thank goodness for James Lockyear and --- ,who fight with so much success, to right grievous wrongs.

This woman (and others) deserves a medal. An absolute medal. I hope when her "kidnapped" son reaches 18, that he will be allowed to -know the truth of his adoption and who his birth mother is.

If there is a God- and/or attendant angels, I expect them to support and protect James Lockyear for what I hope is a very very long career.
This is a human who walks in grace.