WARNING MAY TRIGGER. NOT for the faint of heart

Memories of my baby(ies)

31 years and a couple of months ago, I made my first call to the police. The first of many over the next decades.

My then husband had taken the (6-7 month old) baby away to a house he had. He returned some time later saying that the baby wouldn't stop screaming.The baby was like a limp gray rag doll. There was a two dollar coin sized red raw ring around the anus. The baby expelled a ribbon of white material. I thought my baby would die. No eating no drinking. The baby would snooze a bit if I held the tiny hand. I don't know how long I was on the floor beside the crib. Holding the hand. Days. He wouldn't let me take the infant to the hospital. When you know he can kill you, you tend to "obey". I did go when the red had faded but was still visible. The doctors didn't pick up on what he had done. I didn't really realize it until much later. All I knew was that he had the power of death over myself and the children and I was alone to try to keep us alive.The baby was never the same after. Our worlds had been distorted so as to be unrecognizable. I functioned like a robot.

This man was a wife beater. A bestiality practitioner.And a lot more. But the more- I cannot write at this time.


When there was no help from any service (except the police-who really tried), I went for a divorce. By then he had "got" the other baby and a young child. I lost custody. The man who tried to murder me (police report) ,the child rapist, the killer of animals etc. was believed by social services. Plus he had a lawyer who worked with a psychologist who was the "president" of a fathers' rights group. My psychiatrist's report, the police. the priest, the neighbours- etc etc.- all their witnessing and testimony was- unheard ? Meant nothing.
Ergo- I was used as a breeder for a bunch of child pornographers and rapists.

From then on, my life was about finding enough work to pay the child support which stopped finally in 2005.I knew that as long as I could have $ sent, I was possibly safe, and so were the children. He wouldn't (probably) kill any of us, because he would get no more $.

It was a Globe and Mail text from another country, that spurred me to write this memory. One of thousands.

To try to explain the inexplicable-this happens. Far more frequently than most know. We are -"silenced" by laws-by belief systems by attitudes by prejudice and by -plain old evil. Once divorced- with an abuser- the beat goes goes on. Doors get shot out, mothers get shot, children get killed, animals die etc. ad nauseum.
The victims get told to "talk to the nice man". Or- go to to therapy. How absurd.

Violence against women: an international epidemic - The Globe and Mail

Violence against women: an international epidemic - The Globe and Mail



A well presented article. Bravo Mr.Caplan.

Karen Smith mother and Aiden Miller, son.,Murdered.

Kelowna Daily Courier - Stories -

Well now- the murderer, Nicholas Brian Cooper, had killed BEFORE..
How is one supposed to protect oneself and our children, if we DO NOT KNOW ???????

A bit like- pardoning coach James- now- no-one KNOWS and he is free to hurt children and youth again- over and over and over-

It is so obvious- people "do" what they know how to do- and people follow their own "patterns" . Leopards also do not tend to change their spots - - - -

Makes me think again of a case I know well- the social services people asked a seriously battered mother, whose children had been severely abused by the same perpetrator- ; to sit down and "talk" with the woman/child abuser who had managed to get custody of her children- his small tortured victims. She didn't- and, of course was further blamed- for not being "nice" to the criminal. Mind boggling ,is it not ?

BCLocalNews.com - In Depth - Violence against women: Salt Spring men speak out

BCLocalNews.com - In Depth - Violence against women: Salt Spring men speak out


Everyone knows the majority of men - real men, are out there. But, we do not often hear from them. How -soul - soothing to read this.

Children discussed burning their mother, trial hears

TheRecord.com - Local - Children discussed burning their mother, trial hears

At least this one was caught. Not before the children's minds were royally messed up. If the divorce had proceeded, no doubt the mother would have heard she was accused of some alienation theory or another - -. Those young people have a lot of untwisting their heads to do.As for the mother asking for a divorce - well- one can only imagine what she was trying to deal with- . These men don't just suddenly espose their murderous proclivities- there is always a pattern of behaviour- often seen only by the victims/recipients of the criminal abuses. That mother is lucky to be alive. By living, she has also saved her children. I suppose someone will want the children to visit the alleged would-be murderer in prison. That would be par for the course - -.

More charges against father possible after autopsy on baby

More charges against father possible after autopsy on baby Canada


Wonder if the mother told anyone before- of possible domestic violence -. Wonder if she will be blamed -for not protecting-. That is a favourite mantra of social services systems- Protective parent (most often a mother) reports- social services people work on the premise of "keeping the family together". No matter what. Including when the father is sexually assaulting his children. The O and P services. (obtuse and perverse)

Thank goodness the media picked up on this- "case".

Department of Justice - Laws(Canada) and Gold medals -

Department of Justice - Laws

A useful website for mothers and mothers of children -either or both of whom have been attacked by the "father"/husband/partner.
It has always been a source of incomprehension to me , how the laws can be vigorously applied when a "stranger" tries to kill another- or assaults another adult sexually, or assaults a child- sexually or otherwise: but- if a person KNOWN to the victim(s) is assaulted sexually or otherwise wounded - the crimes are ignored- or turned around to blame the victim(s). I understand why this happens - but not how society, including the law, continues to be so obstinately blind. So obtuse.

So - when reading the laws, and all the messages about not attacking women and children seem to indicate that our society does not condone these criminal acts-one might believe that- if so attacked, there will be a criminal charge etc.

No- not if the criminal is "known" to you or small victims. Why ? Well- first one has to be ABLE to contact police . Not always possible. Then, one has to have police who are trained in -recognizing the validity and danger of a situation. Then, a crown prosecutor must be able and willing to accept the "case". Then, one must have a judge who recognizes the crime(s) for what they are. Any of the "players" involved may be so imbued with legends and myths- and/or so impressed with their own perceived importance, that the crimes are never punished accordingly- relative to the damage inflicted.

Add to all of those obstacles, there is a small percentage of people who loudly work against helping victims. They promote and talk about various theories and ideas. Which serves to further blame victims and is obviously(in the news)- leading to more murders and destruction of human lives- notably- the more vulnerable -women and children-caught in a "family" with an abuser/criminal. Theories, ideas, vague accusations etc. have NO place in a court of law. Divorce or otherwise. Only facts. And even then - - -

Changing the attitudes and mentality of some systems- is a daunting challenge. Worthy of Olympic status. One of the most unevolved systems , has been and continues to be, the social services systems. These are such closed and self-serving bureaucracies that even police will (among themselves) complain how all the work they have done to protect victims- is completely undone, by representatives of these closed systems. The word "on the street" -across Canada- is- NEVER contact the ss- ALWAYS contact police first. You see, victims would rather starve than be continuously attacked -or- killed by their abusers. A clear example of this - gaping wound in our world, can be read in the Lee inquest report from British Columbia.

I want my Gold medal now.

Ardrey’s The Territorial Imperative Argues That Humans Are Naturally Territorial: Salem on History

Ardrey’s The Territorial Imperative Argues That Humans Are Naturally Territorial: Salem on History


This book was with me for years- until- it, with almost all the rest of my property was lost- in a divorce from a predator-. Or- lost to the vultures and hyenas that follwed-. It applies- I beleve, to human behavior-and particularly in the arena of divorce. Joint custody and fighting for territorial "rights" is how I view the howling of some over joint custody and shared parenting. The principles of entitlement and ownership- . Cows,pets,wives and children are seen as property - by some males who are- shall we say- less evolved. When I think about "rich" people- example Donald Trump- they are successful hunters- ,so feel a need to - practice what becomes serial monogamy- but they ,being successful hunters, have no need to abuse, beat, kill and maim- their other property- ex-wife and children. Could it be, that the less successful males- not good hunters- have so little in terms of property/territory , that they resort to ownership (control) no matter what the method ?

This is how I view psychological ideas- just- ideas dreamed up by someone- to be: the mind-wanderings of unsuccessful males. And how they do howl- when they are called on their behaviour - - -and beat their chests - -.

Globe and Mail: Domestic violence training incomplete, Lee inquest told

Globe and Mail: Domestic violence training incomplete, Lee inquest told


An excellent report on the findings and progress of the Lee inquest. One person commenting on the article seems to think- "they" are out to get - men. What ??? Huh ?????Does that mean the person thinks murder is okay ?

The Femicide List | CITIZENShift

The Femicide List CITIZENShift

An interesting piece from the West of Canada-

Lacey Gaines

Lacey Gaines

Another life snuffed out. Count in her surviving relatives and tiny child- it adds up to a physical murder and countless soul murers.
Every blasted day across North America.

Human rights abuses. Guess we haven't reached critical mass yet. How many thousands will it take ?

Just in Quebec province ,Canada,- since 1989- are we at 1000 ? I'll check and try to place the list here.

Battered Women, Battered Children, Custody Abuse

Battered Women, Battered Children, Custody Abuse

Same in Canada. A cultural/social scourge. A serious abuse of human rights.