Ladybug

Ladybug !  Ladybug !
   Fly away yon.
 Your houses are on fire.
And your children all gone.


Little did I know as a young child chanting the unchanged version of this nursery rhyme- that after I was married -all this would become true.

For some reason, I was thinking about how marriage is presented -and was- . It was presented, by society, as the union of two people for their comfort and care for each other- and the nurturing of children. Except- I never "bought" the idea. All through my early twenties, on my own- apartment, car, pets, friends- job- ; I had a constant exposure to late night frantic knockings on my door- young women who had been at college with me, with 1-3 children- tiny children in tow- asking if they could stay the night- . And at work- mothers found- asking if they could come into the school to get warm- their husbands had thrown them out- in the cold- and their young sons would not let them in .

So- why did I marry ? I felt for my aging parents- they were of a generation that believed marriage was - "it" for a young woman- . They died not so long after- good thing. They were decent to me-and I was not abused- .I believe they would have been horrified if they had known -known that the young man they thought was decent- was absolutely- NOT.

Even after he left- he wouldn't. More than 35 years later - he still crawls around- he is on his third marriage.
I married a second time - to 1.) keep him away (didn't work) 2. Was pregnant- even though doctors had told me I never could again - and 3. in order to remain on the property my parents had left me- I had to have -a male around. No. 1 talked all around the rural area- how I was a drunk and a loose woman- (neither correct) and- I had a young child to protect as well as myself. His talking brought every creep to my door. The police were constantly coming. Then a baby on the way to protect. Couldn't help anyone else -if I was- destroyed.

So- no2 got together with no 1- .Number 2 was a wife beater and a child rapist- and practised bestiality. What does that make the first- ? At the very least- accessory to crimes.

So- now there are no husbands , and no children and no properties-that I could have left my children. And- the children are gone- in varying degrees- into that nether land of- psychosis and Stockholm Syndrome and- just like the abuser said- Mummy is a bitch - land.

Every non-abusing mother I have met in person or via the Internet- all- who have lost custody- as I did -of the two most victimized/abused -we are ALL "crazy" or bitches-. Now- what is it about marriage that (apparently-) changes decent intelligent non abusing working women/mothers -into instant "bitches" the second they indicate they don't like being beaten up. experiencing attempted murder, dragging their raped children to doctors and police- etc. Finding pets dead because of bestiality. Why weren';t we all told- that this was what marriage is ???? What is this huge cover-up? What purpose does it serve ? To produce more- screwed up twisted up- psychotic individuals ? Some of whom like to set houses and barns on fire ?

Well- I don't comprehend it. And will never. So- I will stick to a -somewhat reclusive life- and care for lost animals as best I can.

My name is  Ladybug.