Triggers/rant

Some are known and can be foreseen . Many cannot. One must be on constant alert to check and doublecheck all reactions so as to ensure there is not an over-reaction to some word or sentence or facial expression.It is exhausting.


This one hit out of the blue. The Supreme Court decision on "low risk" HIV infection and the need to inform a partner did it. More correctly, the discussions after in a newspaper, did me in. I cannot even remember the content of the article or comments, except for the one word that set off the avalanche of desperate , intensely sad reactions. Clamydia. A sexually transmitted disease.



That was what my x beating battering child abusing animal abusing thieving piece of criminality gave me. And gave to some children he had - contact with. All of that suffering un necessary. Lives mangled and destroyed thanks to a crown prosecutor who refused to lay charges when the police asked. Thanks to the youth destruction group who helped the child rapist.wife beater/attempted murder thing/bestiality practitioner/thief criminal.


He had a vasectomy before I managed to sue for divorce (since there was no help anywhere). Said to me it was because he loved me. He must have thought I was as stupid as all the insane social workers  and psychologists. It was so he would not impregnate his victims. At least one victim took, without needing to- birth control pills for years and years. That alone is not good for the health.


And still some (men) ask me - did I never get a "chum" after divorce. Idiots. What do they think DV is ? The x beat up men too. Democratic abuser. Abuse anything our society lets him hurt. That's a LOT.That's anything and anyone. The Supreme Court is completely UNABLE to judge in matters of human health and welfare. Any law system is. Laws were developed to protect property. As such, they cannot and should not wander blindly into the realms of health and welfare of living entities.

Damn them all to hell.

» A few random thoughts on cops, rape, and murder News of the Restless

» A few random thoughts on cops, rape, and murder News of the Restless

An excellent article.

When battered women fight back stereotyping can kick in

When battered women fight back stereotyping can kick in

Leader’s Suicide Brings Attention to Men’s Rights Movement | Southern Poverty Law Center

Leader’s Suicide Brings Attention to Men’s Rights Movement | Southern Poverty Law Center

Jenny 4 Justice: STOLEN CHILD!

Jenny 4 Justice: STOLEN CHILD!

Five Months and Five days Old

That's how old his baby was when the father took her . Took her to a house and sodomized his baby.


The woman in front of me has recently had the kaleidoscope pieces of fractured memory, click together. She had telephoned the police that night her baby was taken and traumatized. Her soul had refused to connect the date of the call,  with what she knew later. Until now.


He had come back with the baby, saying she screamed so much that he had to bring her back. The baby was like a gray rag doll. No muscle tone. When the terrified mother changed her diaper, there was a burned red mark around the anus, as if a red hot 2 dollar coin had been held there. With a convulsion, the baby expelled an amount of whitish,  slimy liquid. The mother said she thought it was diarrhoea. She said that she felt unreal.That she thought it wasn't diarrhoea but could not conceive of the possibility that anyone could do this to a baby. She thinks now that some primal part of her being "knew" what he had done, but that her mind and soul simply could not understand it. But the date she phoned the police is burned into her brain. For the later realization.



The anguish she still lives does not show - except in her eyes. I cannot look too much. The anguish reflected there is too much for me to experience. I can only listen. And record.


She had told the father she was worried sick about the baby's health. She wanted to take her to the hospital. He said no. As he was murderously violent, she acquiesced. She couldn't help the baby if the mother was killed. She took the baby a couple of days later.The baby wouldn't eat or drink. She tells me that years later she learned that rapists know that babies and children heal quickly. He had wanted her to wait so the doctors wouldn't see the raw red friction burn mark.


Now the tears come. Silently. Running down her face. This tears my heart to shreds.


And- what happened after, I ask.  He never stopped. He particularly went after the next baby. Committed the same crime around the same age. Then groomed her. A bitter laugh. I learned a whole new vocabulary in the following years. Grooming, dry humping etc. I never stopped asking for help- and nothing ever happened.  I had told everyone who by law, was supposed to act to protect the children. A social worker came to the house and asked him if he beat me, she continues. He had said yes, she needed it.Another came later and recommended family therapy and wrote a report on housekeeping.Nothing. So she went for divorce. And lost custody.


She told me how the first baby had told and tried and tried to escape/stop the abuse. She told me how the youngest had tried also. They had all tried.


And now - - -I dare to ask. I don't know. I think they are all alive (there was an older third who was also abused-differently) I think there is an unusual- complicated contact with one or both . But I don't know. Not for sure.


As I type this, it is dripping rain. I imagine it to be that mother's tears, falling gently. I hope they fall on those children, now adults and help them realize the love that mother has always had for them. Maybe that knowledge might help mitigate the grave injustice our world dealt them.

Cold North Wind: Preview "Five Months and Five days old"

Cold North Wind: Preview "Five Months and Five days old"