Five Months and Five days Old

That's how old his baby was when the father took her . Took her to a house and sodomized his baby.


The woman in front of me has recently had the kaleidoscope pieces of fractured memory, click together. She had telephoned the police that night her baby was taken and traumatized. Her soul had refused to connect the date of the call,  with what she knew later. Until now.


He had come back with the baby, saying she screamed so much that he had to bring her back. The baby was like a gray rag doll. No muscle tone. When the terrified mother changed her diaper, there was a burned red mark around the anus, as if a red hot 2 dollar coin had been held there. With a convulsion, the baby expelled an amount of whitish,  slimy liquid. The mother said she thought it was diarrhoea. She said that she felt unreal.That she thought it wasn't diarrhoea but could not conceive of the possibility that anyone could do this to a baby. She thinks now that some primal part of her being "knew" what he had done, but that her mind and soul simply could not understand it. But the date she phoned the police is burned into her brain. For the later realization.



The anguish she still lives does not show - except in her eyes. I cannot look too much. The anguish reflected there is too much for me to experience. I can only listen. And record.


She had told the father she was worried sick about the baby's health. She wanted to take her to the hospital. He said no. As he was murderously violent, she acquiesced. She couldn't help the baby if the mother was killed. She took the baby a couple of days later.The baby wouldn't eat or drink. She tells me that years later she learned that rapists know that babies and children heal quickly. He had wanted her to wait so the doctors wouldn't see the raw red friction burn mark.


Now the tears come. Silently. Running down her face. This tears my heart to shreds.


And- what happened after, I ask.  He never stopped. He particularly went after the next baby. Committed the same crime around the same age. Then groomed her. A bitter laugh. I learned a whole new vocabulary in the following years. Grooming, dry humping etc. I never stopped asking for help- and nothing ever happened.  I had told everyone who by law, was supposed to act to protect the children. A social worker came to the house and asked him if he beat me, she continues. He had said yes, she needed it.Another came later and recommended family therapy and wrote a report on housekeeping.Nothing. So she went for divorce. And lost custody.


She told me how the first baby had told and tried and tried to escape/stop the abuse. She told me how the youngest had tried also. They had all tried.


And now - - -I dare to ask. I don't know. I think they are all alive (there was an older third who was also abused-differently) I think there is an unusual- complicated contact with one or both . But I don't know. Not for sure.


As I type this, it is dripping rain. I imagine it to be that mother's tears, falling gently. I hope they fall on those children, now adults and help them realize the love that mother has always had for them. Maybe that knowledge might help mitigate the grave injustice our world dealt them.

Mish Mash

There are things I know that inhabit my mind and soul and serve to waken me or stun me back into the time and place of the events. They come unbidden to tear again at me. If I am driving or in a meeting or trying to pay a purchase, they put me into a forgetting- of the moment. I end up driving somewhere I had not intended. I lose my train of thought in the meeting or stop functioning effectively in the language of that meeting. I forget my blasted PIN number and have to hold up a long line of people while I search for the number I have secreted somewhere to deal with these PTSD symptoms.

There are things I remember. The child rapist tells me he is taking my then small son 6? 7? 8? and looking 5, to help him with wood. I don't like it at all, but I had a small baby in the house and the cr was capable of killing me. The cr comes back after a while, without my son. Heart clutch. Has he killed him ? I must remain calm- there is a baby upstairs. He says- I came back for tea-he is piling wood. He has that look on his face- a sort of cruel perverse smug "I gotcha" look. I MUST remain calm. He sits there for a long time. After- I don't know how long, a strange car pulls up. Out gets a man -in his- 50's ? wearing one of those "old time" fur hats-. He has glasses. My son gets out of the passenger side. The man says something to him. My son comes to the house - walking stiff legged- with what has been descibed as the thousand yard stare. Past me, inside, upstairs to his room.I must have gone outside. The man says to me that he lives near where the cr was working and heard the child crying so he brought him home. I know he is lying. I cannot conceive of why. I go upstairs. My son is in his room- the rest is still blank. The man talked briefly to the cr-. Then left.

Some time later, I put it all together. You see, the cr did not just trade/sell my two daughters (only one ?) he also sold my son. And the son's father , who left and divorced me, supported the cr . Supported a child rapist and refused to pay for his school etc.( I refused to ask for alimony- I knew he would torture us-or me) Supported the cr when I went for divorce FROM the cr, and lost custody of two small traumatized girls to the cr.  Did I report ? Of course. The social services did nothing except push for family therapy. Insane. Or part of a porn/child sex ring.  That's one tiny example of what comes to torture me daily and nightly. I have achieved a couple of things though. The cr who tried to kill me, did not succeed- in or out of the marriage. I think he is dead but I have no confirmation. The supporter is dead .

The college fund I began for children, the properties I was working to pay for so I could leave them to the children- all gone. Lost. They succeeeded in losing me my jobs -properties- everything. Absolutely everything. But- they NEVER got my spirit. They never will. So, when I listen to our present government blathering about crime rates etc. , to me, they are blithering idiots. I am soothed that I am not alone in thinking this.I wonder if intrafamilial child sexual abuse will be recognized as such- in my lifetime. Recognized by social services and courts etc.  I don't think so. Not in my lifetime. There are literally thousands and thousands of divorced mothers, whose children at the very least, are twisted up in their development, by this - shared parenting concept. All THAT idea is, is to reduce child support payments. At the worst- there are cases like ours.

The Web

of manipulation, lies and stupidity. A hallmark of divorces involving abuses. Here is one small thread of one tiny web.

A bit of background. Husband no.1 , x no. 1  saw me reading a book by (I forget !) maybe Greer, or de Beauvoir . Around 1972. I was always and remain, a "bookworm". He decided then and there that I was a feminist. I didn't know what that was ! Whatever that was, to him it seemed as if I was a murderer or something equally horrendous. He stomped around the house like a 2 year old having a tantrum. Weird. But then, the guy seemed so damaged that I knew early on that something was terribly off about him.  I got married when that one asked (had refused a lot) , to please my aging parents. They lived in a decent world. None of us knew about- "the hollow people".

Fast forward. I marry x2, because I am pregnant  (after being told by medical people that I could never have another child) and as I have no job, no money and did have the farm my parents left me,I decided I had no choice but to marry.(late 70's) Looking back, I still cannot see any other decision I could have made. I did have 25$ a week in child support. I has refused alimony for me, knowing that the hollow man would never leave me alone.(even though he left and wanted divorce)

Jump ahead about six years. Son by x1, now age 11, abused and traumatized by x2 and his friends, is developing some behaviours that I find suspicious. I am in the process of setting up our escape plan and must not allow anything to arouse suspicion in x2. I have already asked a lawyer about divorce and was told I must tell the abuser. I was afraid of being killed- but told him. He seemed to-go the way of trying to  convince me to not divorce. I had quietly put it off for a year. I made more plans in the meantime. (x2 is an incestuous child rapist of children, animal rapist and wife beater)

I try to never let the children out of my sight. Ever. It is late summer.1983 ?  The son is home, soon to go to boarding school. I lose sight of the older girl, age 5, and the boy. Panic. Call and call and rush around with my heart in my throat. . Finally into the new vehicle to search further afield. 

A short way down the country farm lane, and the girl emerges from a shed. Comes to the vehicle. With a look on her face- of - shock ? I ask what was going on. She told me. (undressed her) I asked if the boy had put any body part inside her.She said "no- he started to, and stopped." I want to vomit. I want to kill. I want to disappear with my daughters. I can do nothing. If he (x2) finds out, we are doomed. All of us. 

For years, I have told medical, police, church, psychologists at a major Montreal hospital etc. They must report to social services.Family therapy is offered. Nothing.I had got another degree, a job,a vehicle etc.The son was going to be in boarding school. To protect him and all of us. If I say something now-to whom ? There is no-one left to tell. The web is about to strangle us all.Just like x2 did. Except I lived. Will we all live through this ?

Maybe a couple of weeks later, a social worker appears. Another one. I thought- finally, some reaction from the powers that be. Silly me. She was talking about the boy.She closed the file, writing that I had solved the problem. At the time I still had not caught on- I thought- nothing is solved, what is she talking about ? So, x2 was behind all that. SS listened to him, but not the police or doctor or any of the others- including me. Are they all in a group of pedophiles ?

Half a year later, I have temporary custody, have rented my loved farm and moved (second mortgage) to a house in a village, thinking that if I scream , there is a chance someone will at least hear.

The girl children return from a visit to abuserdad.I am making the beds and find a diary of sorts under the eldest's pillow. There is little in it and it does not read like a child's phrases. There is a last entry :xxxx raped me. I photocopy the phamplet and return it under the pillow. After I lost custody and rarely saw the two seriously traumatized girls,on a visit to me, the older girl suddenly asks me (in a very public place !) "Mum , what does rape mean ?" I answer "It means when someone puts a penis inside your body and you don't want them to." "ohhhhhhhh, I thought it meant take all your clothes off" .

There it is. x2 told her to write that in that "diary"(which I never saw again) and blamed the boy, x1's son, for the supposed rape. By which they meant penile penetration. x1 supported the child rapist who was also responsible for traumatizing his son. The whole thing is/was  so incredibly twisted, demented,, criminal, unspeakably evil and destructive that words are inadequate to describe that web.

This is what "protective" mothers are talking about, when we use the word abuses or domestic violence.This is what fathers' rights gangs support. This. 



Second child dies at Sask. home | Canada | News | Toronto Sun

Second child dies at Sask. home | Canada | News | Toronto Sun

Social services system - AGAIN. Ove 25 years ago, the police told social services about all the abuses of my children and myself. When there is / was sexual abuse of children, the police and other "authorities" are required by law to report to the social services agency. Where nothing happens and after 5 years, records are destroyed.

At present, there is a report on the workings (or lack of) in the social services system in Saskatchewan. Basically- the report says what some victims have been saying for decades- the system is broken. So- now there are more child sacrifices made to the god of "Institutionalized Crime."

At least if certain groups would just stop saying they care about children, there would be some consistency. I guess our society thinks it has evolved, as we don't drink the blood of our smallest victims anymore.

Mothers Intelligence Secret Service: Dossier: Mark K Godbey(Canadians in here)

Mothers Intelligence Secret Service: Dossier: Mark K Godbey

Bears reading- if you are either someone who has been beaten by your husband/partner, if your children and/or pets have been sexually assaulted by your husband/partner and if you think that these are criminal acts-- then- these guys and some others- work to maintain the right to abuse- using ideas like parental alienation- to gain continued control of their victims.
Any and all psychologists etc. who proclaim loudly that these dangerous ideas are- "true" or- okay- are to avoided at all costs.
Any countries that I know of, have laws in their criminal codes which condemn having sex with children- beating up or trying to kill another human (like your wife/partner) and bestiality. So- WHY ? you might ask, do some people promote ideas that protect criminals ?????   Is that not - mind boggling ?????

Battered Women, Battered Children, Custody Abuse: Parents Seeking Access to Avoid Child Support

Battered Women, Battered Children, Custody Abuse: Parents Seeking Access to Avoid Child Support

Barbara Biggs and Australia - YES - some logic-some sense- and the government appears to be listening- excellent !

Websites selling child porn based in Canada: study

Websites selling child porn based in Canada: study

No surprise here- just continued disgust at the lack of action- among certain groups. The inaction hinders those who seek to help these tiny victims-

What if someone was willing to spend hours-days- weeks- looking at images -volunteer- in order to hopefully identify some tiny victims ??? Would that offer be accepted ???? And- who would do the accepting ?????

Not incidentally- father.daughter incest is the most prevalent form of child sexual aggression - and the criminal acts the least- exposed.

ALL children's rights ? in Canada ? NOT

Having learned , so far- that government groups and agencies only perpetuate abuses- to children of DV and CSA and mothers who have survived DV: I finally decided to -look at the website I will post below-,in the hopes that- maybe-just maybe- they are-enlightened.

I know I am fatigued,and rather cynical- and must observe my reactions careffully- to ensure impartiality (possible when one survives the destruction of everything dear to one ?) ; BUT- on a 5 minute look- not a careful in depth read- I saw HEAVY slanting in the choice of articles presented- -as in- the verbiage about Parental Alienation (wake up- this is BANNED from use in courts in many jurisdictions (U.S.) and is massively unscientific-(condemned by APA) -a theory invented by a pedophilic psychologist and happily used and pushed by abusers of mothers and children. It has NO place being shown on a site for children's rights- UNLESS the posts are there with a warning-.We put warnings on bottles of poison-No wonder we hear little from mothers who report their children's abuses- they are not believed- slammed with PAS or similar nonsense-and they and the children are thrown in the trash.

I may go back and read more carefully- when I recover from the familiar nausea that assails me when I see yet ANOTHER agency/organisation that appears pro-pedophile-read to ensure I am not over-reacting. Actually- it is not possible to over-react- when one sees-PAS. Unless,of course, you think pedophilia is just fine-.Incest is healthy etc. Our children who most need help- are doomed. Still.



http://www.canadiancrc.com

I wonder if our/my tax dollars fund this - - -WARNING may injure your health and that of your children. Correction: FURTHER injure.